Alright, alright, let’s talk about this… uh… Melanie Martinez smell-good stuff. Yeah, the perfume, that’s it. Heard folks jabberin’ about it, so I figured I’d poke around and see what the fuss is all about. Don’t know much about this Melanie girl, but seems like she sings or somethin’. And now she’s makin’ smells. Well, ain’t that somethin’?

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This Portals Perfume, what’s the big deal?

Okay, so this ain’t her first go-around with this perfume stuff. Seems she made one before, called “Cry Baby.” Don’t ask me, I ain’t got a clue. But this new one, they call it “Portals.” Heard it’s named after her new… whatchamacallit… album? Yeah, one of them singin’ things. So, I guess she likes makin’ everything smell nice, her music and her… perfume.

  • They say it smells like milk and strawberries. Can you believe that? Milk! Who’d a thunk it? And strawberries, well, that sounds kinda nice, I guess. Like somethin’ you’d eat, not smell, but hey, what do I know?
  • Then there’s this “forest fruits” thing. Sounds like somethin’ you’d find out in the woods. Hope it ain’t got no bugs in it! Ha!
  • And then, they say it’s got “powdery notes.” Powdery? What’s that supposed to mean? Like baby powder? Or maybe like… flour? Lordy, I don’t know. These fancy folks and their fancy words.
  • And at the bottom, they say it’s got caramel and “woody notes.” Caramel, I know. That sweet stuff you eat. But woody? Like… trees? So, you’re gonna smell like a tree and some candy? Land sakes!

Is this smell-good stuff worth the fuss?

Now, that’s the million-dollar question, ain’t it? Folks are shellin’ out good money for this stuff, I hear. But is it worth it? Well, I reckon that depends on what you like. If you wanna smell like a bowl of strawberries and milk with a side of tree bark, then maybe it is. But if you’re like me and you’re happy with a bar of soap and some good ol’ fashioned lavender water, then maybe not.

This Cry Baby Perfume, is it any good?

Get the Scoop: Melanie Martinez Perfume Details and More

They said this girl made another smell-good thing before called “Cry Baby.” I’ve heard some folks sayin’ it’s like milk. Just plain milk, I guess. Sounds kinda… plain, don’t it? But then some other folks say there’s this other smell-good stuff called “Damier” that’s kinda like it but maybe a bit fancier. Honestly, it’s all a bit confusing to me. Too many smells and too many names.

So, what’s the bottom line?

Well, I reckon this Melanie girl is doin’ alright for herself, makin’ all this smell-good stuff and singin’ her songs. And if folks wanna buy it and smell like strawberries and trees, well, that’s their business. Me? I’ll stick to my lavender water, thank you very much. It’s cheaper and it keeps the skeeters away, you know? But hey, if you’re curious about this Portals stuff, go ahead and give it a sniff. Just don’t blame me if you end up smellin’ like a forest dessert! This whole thing kinda reminds me of when those city folks came around sellin’ them fancy soaps that smelled like flowers you never even heard of. Cost a pretty penny, they did, and didn’t last half as long as my good ol’ lye soap. But folks like what they like, I guess. And if this Melanie girl is makin’ folks happy with her smells, then more power to her. Just don’t go sprayin’ that stuff near my chickens, ya hear? They ain’t used to no fancy city smells.

And this whole “Portals” thing is from somethin’ called an album?

Seems like this perfume is tied to some singin’ thing she made, an “album” they call it. Guess she’s tryin’ to make everything smell and sound the same, like a whole package deal. Smart, I guess, gettin’ folks to buy more stuff. But me, I just can’t wrap my head around it. Back in my day, a smell was a smell, and a song was a song. Now, they’re all mixed up together like a bowl of stew. But I guess that’s how things are these days. Always gotta be somethin’ new and different to get folks’ attention. Well, she got my attention, that’s for sure. But I still ain’t buyin’ that perfume. I’ll stick to my lavender, and maybe hum a little tune while I’m at it. That’s good enough for me.

Get the Scoop: Melanie Martinez Perfume Details and More

Now, they’re callin’ this smell-good stuff a “fragrance line”?

Heard some folks callin’ it a “fragrance line.” Sounds mighty fancy for somethin’ you just spray on yourself. But I guess that’s what they do these days, make everything sound more important than it is. A smell is a smell, no matter how you dress it up. And from what I hear, this one’s a pretty… unusual smell. But hey, maybe that’s what folks want these days. Somethin’ different, somethin’ to make them stand out from the crowd. Well, I reckon smellin’ like a forest and a bowl of berries would definitely do that. So, if you’re lookin’ to make a statement, maybe this Melanie’s fragrance line is for you. But if you just wanna smell clean and fresh, well, there’s plenty of other options out there that won’t cost you an arm and a leg. Just sayin’.

Tags: [Melanie Martinez, Portals Perfume, Fragrance, Cry Baby Perfume, Perfume Review, Album, Scent, Damier]

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