Well, well, well, look what we have here! Beast mode perfumes, you say? My old nose ain’t what it used to be, but I reckon I still know a thing or two about smelling good. Back in my day, we didn’t have all these fancy names for perfumes. We just had, you know, the good stuff and the not-so-good stuff.

This beast mode, it sounds strong, like that old mule we used to have, Bess. That mule, she could pull a whole wagon full of taters up a hill, no problem. So these perfumes, they’re like Bess, huh? Strong and last all day, I suppose?
- That’s what folks want these days, I guess. Something that lasts.
- Like a good, sturdy pair of shoes.
- Or a cast iron skillet.
They say these beast mode fragrances last 8, maybe 12 hours. Whew! That’s a long time. Longer than I can stay awake these days. And they got a strong smell, too, like a skunk that’s been, well, you know. But a good smell, I hope! Not like that skunk.
I reckon if you spray just a little bit, it’ll last you all day. Like one spoonful of sugar in your coffee, that’s all you need. Too much and it’ll be too strong, like when I put too much pepper in the stew. Made everyone cry!
Now, they say there’s all kinds of these beast mode smells. Some for every budget, even. Well, ain’t that somethin’. Back in my day, we were lucky if we had a little rosewater. But now, you got all these fancy smells.
- They got cherry, I hear.
- And something called patchouli? Sounds like a fancy word for dirt to me.
- Amber. What in tarnation is amber?
- And wood. Like a campfire, maybe?
- Smoky, too. Like when we burn the leaves in the fall.
All these smells! It’s enough to make your head spin. They say these smells are better, like they’re worth more money. I don’t know about all that. Smell is smell, ain’t it? But I guess if it makes you feel good, then that’s all that matters.

They even got different kinds, like, uh, Milk Bold, I think they called it. Said it throws the smell far, like when you throw a rock in the pond and the ripples go all the way to the other side. And then there’s another one, Expressive, they call it. Sounds like my neighbor, Mabel, always yapping about somethin’.
I don’t know about all these fancy names, but I guess if you want to find a good beast mode perfume, you gotta do some sniffing. Like when you’re picking out a ripe melon at the market. You gotta sniff it good to make sure it’s sweet.
And they say to look for… what was it? Fresh, woody, floral. Like a field of wildflowers, I suppose. And some other words I can’t rightly pronounce. Sounds like a foreign language. But I guess you gotta smell ’em all to find the one you like.
They say you can get little bottles of these perfumes, just a little bit to try. Like when you get a little taste of jam at the county fair. If you like it, then you can get a big bottle. Makes sense, I reckon.
They say Guerlain, Mugler, Chanel, Dior are good ones to start with. Never heard of ’em, but they sound fancy. Probably cost a pretty penny, too. Like that time I bought that fancy hat with the feathers. Cost me a week’s worth of egg money!

They say you gotta trust your nose. Well, that’s true for anything in life, ain’t it? Trust your gut, trust your nose, trust your horse. That’s what I always say.
And they say to think about when you’re gonna wear this beast mode perfume. Like, you wouldn’t wear your Sunday best to go muck out the stalls, would you? So I guess you gotta pick the right smell for the right time. Makes sense, I suppose.
Whew, all this talk about beast mode perfumes has got me tired. I think I need a nap. But I tell you what, if you find one of these beast mode perfumes that smells like apple pie, you let me know. That’s a smell I wouldn’t mind having around all day!
And I guess this “beast mode” thing just means the perfume is strong and powerful. Like a good thunderstorm rolling in, or a mama bear protecting her cubs. Or my old Bess pulling that wagon load of taters. Yep, that’s beast mode, alright.